


little left to believe

by enragedbees



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gen, roceit if you squint - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-02-23 00:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23969149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enragedbees/pseuds/enragedbees
Summary: Janus is still trying to process everything that happened.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, platonic Demus - Relationship, platonic dukeceit
Comments: 3
Kudos: 116





	little left to believe

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Putting Others First! (obviously)
> 
> Song Rec: Today Will Be Better, I Swear! by Stars
> 
> I love reading your comments! Please let me know what you think :)
> 
> Warnings: Remus, implied gore

Janus was still reeling.

Everything would be different now. Not worse, and definitely not better. But nothing would ever be the same. Janus couldn’t yet decide if he was glad about it.

He popped into the living area of the dark mindscape. Remus was in the kitchen in front of a blender full of something much redder than Janus was comfortable with. The kitchen was a disaster, but Janus knew Remus would clean it up when he was done. Remus hated messes even more than him.

Remus looked up when Janus arrived. He grinned and lifted a red-stained hand, the blender still whirring. Janus waved back before taking off his gloves and draping his capelet over the arm of the sofa.

They knew his name. He had trusted them far too much and told them one of his most closely kept secrets. Janus was sure it was a foolish move, and yet they did not betray his trust. They accepted him.

Well, mostly. Janus didn’t want to focus on the other side of it.

Janus was one of them now.

How would the others react?

He sat down on the sofa and folded his arms.

Patton was, unquestionably, the gatekeeper, and he had allowed Janus in. Of course, Thomas was the most important to win over, the only one to whom Janus _should_ have cared about proving himself.

But if Patton had accepted him, then the others would follow. Eventually. And that was more than Janus could handle.

Janus fiddled with a button on his shirt. Things would never be the same.

Remus finished up in the kitchen and came over with two bowls of the contents of the blender. He set one in front of Janus and sat cross-legged at the sectional’s juncture.

Janus stared down at the thick red liquid, now with a swirl of purple on top. “Remus, what is this?”

Remus pulled out a pair of chopsticks. “Do you want to know?”

Janus shook his head and pushed the bowl back. Remus started eating, not getting far with the chopsticks, very likely not caring.

“How’d it go?” Remus asked.

Janus had been pondering on the same question. He hadn’t had time to process any of it. Janus felt pretty good leaving Thomas’s living room, but even the rush from his validation had melted down into a solid chunk of muddled emotions at the pit of his stomach.

“Fine,” Janus answered plainly.

Janus knew how much Remus wanted to pry and ask heaps of questions Janus would never be able to answer satisfyingly. But Janus was maybe the only one in the world Remus cared about making uncomfortable, so he let it go. Janus was grateful for that.

Janus coughed. “I told them my name.”

Remus froze. Empty, red-stained chopsticks stopped halfway to his mouth. He lowered them and set his bowl down. “Are you leaving?”

“No!” Janus assured. “No, of course not.”

Remus relaxed. He picked his bowl back up, likely sifting through his thoughts to find an appropriate one to ask about.

“So, what’d they say?” Remus asked. “Anyone give you shit for it?”

Janus faltered as a sharp pang hit his chest. Then he smiled. “No.”

“Good.” Remus looked down. “Are you like…one of them, now?”

Janus sighed and folded his arms. “Maybe.”

Remus looked him in the eyes. “Will you be leaving soon?”

Janus opened his mouth to respond, but said nothing. Remus kept his eyes on him, and Janus just looked straight ahead.

He had no answer. What did his acceptance mean?

When Virgil told the others his name, he immediately became one of them. He came home and packed his things and left, hardly speaking to either Janus or Remus. The others accepted him wholeheartedly, and in exchange, Virgil left behind everything he knew. He had found a new family and decided he liked it better and never once looked back.

But when Remus told them his name, they almost disliked him more.

Janus was somewhere in between. Thomas and Patton let him in. They accepted the trust he offered and returned it fully. Logan didn’t show much of an opinion, but he was never one to refuse input he deemed helpful, no matter the source. He wouldn’t be a problem.

How would Virgil react when he learned what Janus did? Could he trust Patton and Thomas more than he hated Janus? Unlikely.

And Roman…

Another painful twist in Janus’ stomach.

Janus had always liked Roman. He thought, if anyone would take his side before the others, it would be Roman. The knowledge that he was completely _wrong_ about that assumption hurt more than Janus would ever admit.

Janus looked back at Remus, still staring at him. Janus summoned a reassuring smile. “If I ever do leave, you’d be coming with me.”

Remus snorted. “I bet they’ll like that.”

“I’m sure they will,” Janus chuckled. “But I mean it. I wouldn’t leave you alone here.”

Janus folded his hands in his lap, settling on a conclusion he hadn’t realized he had been trying to reach. “Whether or not I am part of their group is up to them. Whether or not I am a part of _yours_ is up to me. If they accept me, they’ll likely learn to accept you, too.”

He looked back up at Remus, whose eyes and smile practically _glittered_. Janus breathed. “Then, we’ll leave this place together.”

Remus looked down at his bowl, poorly hiding a grin. Janus leaned his head against the back of the sofa and closed his eyes.

“Do we have to actually _leave_?” Remus asked. “‘Cause I’ve got some stuff buried in the walls and floors of my room that I _really_ don’t want to dig out and transport somewhere.”

Janus sighed and did not respond. Remus didn’t care and kept rambling.

With Remus’ voice as background noise, Janus let himself breathe. He thought through everything that had happened and tried to settle it all in his mind.

Things would never be the same. Janus hoped that was a good thing, but he didn’t know for certain.

What he did know was that no matter what happened next, he would always have one person who loved him. One person who irritated and often disgusted him, one who didn’t know the meaning of the words “too far,” who was just as damaged and untrusting as him from the heartbreaks they had experienced together. One person who was always there to ask how he was doing, or distract him from himself, or make him laugh.

Maybe things would get worse from here. But Janus breathed, because he was home. And, currently, that was the only thing that mattered.


End file.
